Cool Life (ˆ⌣ˆ)/
DCG
Monday 12 October 2015 | 09:33 | 0 comments
Hye. Dah lama tak bukak blog ni. Dah berhabuk ! So recently ni aku dah start busy balik because i'm back to life as a U student. On 3rd August 2015, i went for registration in msu. Cuak, confuse, happy, excited, sad blerghh mixed feelings masatu. Sebab aku dah terbiasa duduk rumah, dah terbiasa tak buat apa-apa, dah terbiasa have fun then suddenly kena jadi student balik. Plus, new surrounding.
So here, i live in a house. Condominium to be precised. Rumah sewa with 5 other girls as my housemate. The first person that i met & said hye to me was Una. Then Aisya ketuk pintu bilik aku, bagitahu arah kiblat. Haha i still remember that. After that berkenalan dengan Teha & orang terakhir ialah Nina, my roommate. Masa aku pindah masuk, nina tengah sem break. After 2 weeks baru dapat jumpa Nina. First impression? She's so pretty. And sweet. No, bukan sweet yang romantic tu. Ni sweet yang perwatakan dia lemah lembut, sopan. Macam perempuan melayu terakhir lah. The loudest person in this house is Teha. Dia yang paling happy go lucky. Kalau dia tak ada dekat rumah memang sunyi lah rumah ni. At first macam susah jugak lah aku nak blend in sebab diorang duduk rumah ni dah 1 year so they already knew each other like the back of their hand then suddenly i popped into the picture. Awkward lah. Bila diorang berbual, i was like ...... I had no idea what they were talking about. Then aku try slowly adapt with them. Alhamdulillah, after nearly 3 months i live here, it's finally feels like home to me. Thank you for accepting me into this little temporary family. Oh and hey Sara, the newcomer. Welcome to 18-10 :)
Sepanjang sem 1 ni aku terikat dengan 2 subject, which is Thinking Skill & Communication Skill. But disebabkan aku masuk short sem, so aku tak perlu hadap midsem or final exam. Cuma perlu buat assignment & final project je. Oh yaa, i have a gang in class. Meow, Kavhi, Nisak, Yaya & Diba. Dalam kelas sentiasa duduk sebaris. Group assignment pon dengan diorang diorang ni je haha. Aku rasa bersyukur lah dapat kawan-kawan yang baik & best. They helped me a lot in class. Paling best masa final project lah. Kena buat roleplay & mini model for parking lot. Tak sangka we'll be chosen to compete with 9 other group sebab huru hara gila roleplay kitorang. But yeah, it was a great experience. We have fun as a group. Then masa buat mini model tu, bertungkus lumus jugak lah nak siapkan within 3 days. Thank God, the exhibition went well & we get positive feedback from the sess lecturers. We did a good job on our final project. I'm proud of my team. Thanks for everything & i guess i'll see you guys around the campus later.
And here i am, in a holiday mood. Dah start cuti sem since habis exhibition. My housemates tengah final exam. Aku sorang je lah yang dah cuti-cuti Malaysia haha. Goodluck girls ! Break a leg ;)
Kinda excited for the second semester. New subjects, new classmates, new timetable. Officially, a counselling & guidance student.
I'll update this blog next time. Ciao.

Random
Saturday 11 July 2015 | 11:00 | 0 comments
1.32 a.m. I'm still wide awake. Rasanya aku dah balik ke routine lama ; tidur lambat, bangun lambat. Masa mula-mula datang balik penyakit susah tidur ni, selalu sangat kena attack dengan headache and sometimes jadi migraine. Now dah terbiasa so it's like a normal condition to me.
Hati aku? Alhamdulillah dah tak sakit macam before ni. Dah start heal slowly. Ada masanya aku rasa berat dekat hati ni, macam... kena hempap dengan batu. But most of the time i felt nothing. Zero. Kosong. Emotionless. Kau bayangkan satu pulau yang tak ada penghuni, sunyi sepi. Haa macam tu lah hati aku.
I get through each day by staying up all night then tidur lepas subuh. Pukul 2 petang baru bangun. Bangun terus mandi and bersiap untuk amik mama balik kerja. Sampai rumah, tolong mama prepare juadah untuk berbuka. Lepas berbuka aku akan masuk bilik and masuk ke alam maya.
Haha pathetic kan? I got no one to talk to. Kawan-kawan? Ahh dah malas nak bebankan diorang dengan masalah aku. Kesian. Diorang pon ada masalah sendiri. Takkan hari-hari nak melayan aku pulak kan? Lagipon aku dah okay. Takde meroyan tak tentu hala. I can control myself now.
Raya pon dah nak dekat. Less than a week, to be exact. So rumah aku dah start riuh & we were busy preparing for the becoming eid. It's quite distracting lah. Tak ada lah rasa macam lifeless or sunyi sangat bila dah busy. After raya dah kena prepare barang untuk masuk MSU pulak. Nak kena settlekan hal rumah sewa pulak ni. 03 Ogos dah kena pergi daftar then...... i'll be back to student life haha rindu jugak nak buat assignment, rindu nak ada ramai kawan, rindu nak merungut pergi kelas, rindu nak berebut-rebut dekat cafe waktu lunch, rindu nak buat aktiviti kolej. Aku excited & takut in the same time. Excited nak mula life baru. Takut kalau-kalau suasana dekat sana tak sama macam dekat uitm. Kolej swasta kan penuh dengan anak orang kaya, high class. Risau jugak kalau-kalau aku tak dapat nak fit in their society. But hopefully everything will be just fine. Amin !

To everyone yang baca my blog ni, i would like to wish you guys selamat hari raya aidilfitri. Aku minta maaf kalau aku ada buat salah, ada sakitkan hati, ada menyinggung perasaan kau, ada terkasar bahasa or buat kau kecil hati tanpa sedar. And if i owe you anything, even if 5 sen sekalipon, please please please tell me. Sometimes aku lupa. Tell me and i'll pay back your money. Yang akan balik kampung tu, drive safely. Semoga kita semua selamat sampai ke destinasi masing-masing. Makan rendang tu beringat sikit ye. Jangan sampai terlebih makan haha. Nothing can beat perasaan beraya dengan family. To those yang sudah tiada ibu bapa, Al-Fatihah for your loss. Last but not least, yang terpaksa beraya di perantauan, be strong guys and selamat berhari raya di negara orang :)

Assalamualaikum.
Chapter 6 ; The last farewell. Goodbye
Saturday 4 July 2015 | 06:14 | 0 comments
Hey,

I know things get real hard for these past few weeks. I always have a faith that we will be able to get through everything. I believe no matter how many time we fight over a big nor the simplest thing, we will remain as strong as always. I believe you will remain faithful despite the distance. I believe we will keep loving each other through hardship. But we did not. It was my mistake to put too much trust, hope and expectation on us.
Kau tahu betapa sayangnya aku dekat kau kan? I never forget to tell you how much i love you. Hari-hari aku cakap aku sayang kau. Because i do love you, so damn much. When everyone said that you were just another chapter in my life, i knew that you meant more than that. You were the whole book, my dear. Aku tak pernah jemu nak layan kerenah kau walaupun sometimes you gave me headache. Masa kau sakit, aku betul-betul risaukan kau. Walaupun masatu aku sendiri tengah sakit. I almost get into an accident masa drive nak belikan kau ubat. Sebab pada aku, kesihatan kau lebih penting. Sakit aku tu apa lah sangat.
Aku buat keputusan untuk tinggalkan kawan-kawan aku demi kau. Sebab aku rasa cukup sekadar ada kau seorang dalam hidup aku. And somehow aku yakin kau pon rasa cukup ada aku je dalam hidup kau. Aku bahagia dengan kau. You complete me in every way. Did you feel the same?
Kau masih ingat tak a week before kau masuk UTHM tu? The day that you have a big fight with your dad sampai potong rambut tu? The day yang your dad tak izinkan aku jejakkan kaki ke rumah kau lagi tu. It was like the edge for our relationship kan? Aku ada pilihan, untuk stay dengan kau ataupun pergi tinggalkan kau. I have 1001 reasons to leave but i choose this one strong reason to stay with you. Which is because i love you. Like i said before, i believe we will get through this together.
Jujur, aku sedih masa dapat tahu kau akan pergi tinggalkan aku in a very short period. Kalau aku tahu kau akan pergi, i'd spend more time with you. Tak apa lah if i get into trouble sekalipun. Asalkan aku dapat bersama kau. Aku sedih masa kau mengadu dekat aku yang family kau tak nak belikan barang keperluan kau. So i help you. Dengan baki duit yang aku ada tu, aku pergi belikan barang-barang kau. Aku nak nangis sebenarnya masa kau duduk dalam kereta tu. Entah kenapa, aku rasa macam itu lah the last time yang aku dapat jumpa kau. Berat hati aku nak say goodbye to you. Rasa macam aku akan kehilangan kau lepas kau masuk sana.
Turns out, apa yang aku dah expect sebelum ni akan jadi kenyataan. Tak sangka. No, bukan tak sangka benda tu akan jadi. Aku tak sangka kau akan tinggalkan aku secepat ni. Aku tak sangka kau akan berubah hati within a month being away from me. Padahal kita baru je spend 5 days together. Aku yang ambil dan hantar kau semula ke kolej. Batu Pahat tu bukannya dekat. Dia nampak bertanggungjawab kan? Nampak macam caring and gentleman sangat sebab sanggup jalan jauh semata nak hantar kau balik, nak make sure kau selamat sampai. Dia ada kelebihan sebab dia dekat dengan kau. Aku ni jauh, jauh dari kau. Tapi tak pernah sesaat pon yang aku tak fikir pasal kau, tak risaukan keselamatan kau. Kalau aku dekat, aku sanggup lah hantar kau pergi kelas everyday. Aku sanggup hantar kau ke mana je kau nak pergi, Kau tak payah susah-susah naik bus. Aku nak senangkan hidup kau. Aku nak provide everything yang kau perlukan. Aku nak bagi kau sepenuh perhatian, masa and kasih sayang aku. But it seems like you didn't even need it.
Ramai lagi yang mampu buat semua tu untuk kau kan? Ramai yang terkejar-kejarkan kau. Ramai yang boleh jaga kau, guide kau. Ramai yang boleh buat kau bahagia dekat sana. Kau dah tak perlukan aku.
Aku minta maaf sebab berkasar dengan kau. Aku tahu aku dah lukakan hati kau dengan kata-kata aku. Aku tak bermaksud nak hina kau. Memang aku marahkan kau. Susah untuk aku terima apa yang dah jadi ni. Kau takkan faham sebab kau tak sayang aku sebanyak mana aku sayangkan kau. Aku ni selfish kan? Aku ni ego, paranoid. Aku tahu. Aku boleh cakap yang aku benci kan kau sebanyak mana yang aku nak, aku boleh cakap aku dah tak sayang kau. Tapi dengan siapa aku nak tipu? Dengan diri sendiri? Dengan kau? Or dengan orang lain? Aku sendiri pon tak tahu lah Intan. Aku penatlah nak berperang dengan perasaan sendiri. Dalam hati ni masih ada kau. Dalam kepala aku masih ada memori dengan kau. Tak ada satu pon kenangan kita yang aku buang. Gambar-gambar kau masih ada dalam iphone aku. Conversation whatsapp kau masih ada walaupun kau dah block aku. Dm dari kau masih ada dekat twitter aku. Dan kau pon masih ada dalam hidup aku walaupun kau dah buang aku dari hidup kau.
Aku betul-betul berharap kau akan hidup bahagia, tak kira lah dengan siapa pon pilihan hati kau. Aku harap kau berjaya dalam pelajaran. Kau impikan 4flat kan? Aku harap kau dapat capai 4flat tu. Aku harap kau selamat and sihat sentiasa.
Ni last words dari aku untuk kau. Aku akan anggap tak ada apa yang jadi antara kita. From strangers to half of me and back to strangers again. Aku janji takkan pernah kacau kau lagi. Kalau aku rindu kau sekalipun, i'll keep it to myself. Sorry again, for everything. Maafkan aku ye, sayang.
Chapter 5 ; Unconditional love
Tuesday 24 March 2015 | 01:49 | 0 comments
           She kept asking me ; "Apa yang ada pada i eh? Sampai you macam nak sangat dengan i". If only she could see herself through my eyes... she wouldn't ask me like that. I admit it lah kan, at first memang aku macam saje je nak kenal dengan dia because my friend pernah cerita pasal dia dekat aku. But aku bukan jenis judge orang melalui mulut orang lain. So i decided to get to know her. But then aku cam tersuka dia disebabkan cara dia layan aku, cara dia berfikir, cara dia bercakap. She's nicer than i thought.
           After couple, i tried to accept her flaws, her attitude, her mood swing, her temper, her schedule, her life routine, her style. Aku terima dia, baik atau buruk. I won't ask her to change herself just untuk puaskan hati aku. Nope, i won't ever do that. Pada aku, dia dah cukup baik. Tak perlu ubah apa-apa lagi dah.
          If i were asked, what i love the most bout her. I would said, everything. I love her sweet smile. Her smile never fail to melts my heart. I swear, she got the sweetest smile ever. I love her voice, i love to hear her laugh and i love it when she were singing. I think it is almost every night she would sing a song and i silently listen to it. But sometimes aku nyanyi sekali haha excuse my suara yang tak sedap tu. I love her fashion sense. Every outfit that she wore suits her very well. I really love the way she look at me, like 'i love this guy' kind of stare. Damn it i can see her eyes shined everytime she look at my face. I know very well that eyes can't lie. Oh oh oh and i love the way she said 'i love you' right to my ears and the way she joyfully said 'saaaaayaaaaanggggg' everytime i pickup the call. Macam dia excited sangat nak bercakap dengan aku haha it makes me feel important. I love the way she kiss me. She was like giving her whole heart on that kiss. When she bite my lips... intense as fuck. I love the way she hug me tightly till i can feel her breath on my neck. When she placed her head on my chest, she could hear my heart beating. Sayang, my heart beats as fast as a bullet train because of you tau. I also love the way she treat me on bed, especially when she sat on top of me and she gave me that sexy-naughty smile. She makes me want her so badly. I love the way she compromised with my shit. Like she's easier to be tolerate with because she's being rational all the time. That's why, i love our heart to heart conversation. I love the way she hold my hand while i were driving. She would quickly get into the car and peluk lengan aku, meleset leset like a freakin' kitten hahaha comel gila weh. Walaupun susah aku nak pusing stereng time belok, aku biarkan je dia peluk lengan aku. I love the way she manja manja with me & only me because i know i'm the only person yang dia ada so yeah she can be as manja as fuck with me. I don't mind. I love it when she's being clingy. Like kalau aku lambat reply whatsapp time aku online pon dia akan tanya "whatsapp siapa tu?" or she will spam my whatsapp until aku reply. She always spam my whatsapp, every morning to be exact. I love the way she care bout me. Everyday, she will ask the same question "Sayang dah makan?". I will never get bored with that question because i know she care bout my health. Aku tahu dia risau bila aku tak makan. Then bila aku headache or tangan lenguh, dia akan picitkan until lega. I love the way she serve me as her king. As a boyfriend, sometimes aku nak jugak dapat layanan istimewa so she serve me, layan kerenah aku. Thank you sweetheart :) I love the way she's being flirty with me. When she bite her lips, i would go crazy. Fuck lah sexy gila weh. I love the way she gets curious & jealous over other girls. Aku tak ada lah suka suka nak buat dia jealous but sometimes dia sendiri yang macam jealous or insecure pasal perempuan lain. Entah lah, rasa macam cute lah jgak. Jealous tu kan tanda sayang. I love the way she merengek asking me to not go to bed early and layan dia instead. She'll be like "ala sayang jangan lah tidur jangan lah tidur jangan lah tidur" hahaha omg so cute siak. This always happen bila dia belum rasa macam nak tidur but aku pulak yang mengantuk. I love the way she teased me. She would pinch my cheek, play with my hair and be like "uish handsome". I really adore her long wavy hair. Aku suka bila dia lepaskan ikatan then her hair fall on her shoulder. Gosh, what an amazing view. I love her body curves and her boobs too (lol). She's smoking hot & sexy but she didn't realize it. Stop wondering why every man would look at you everytime you walk passed them because you do have a great body ! Ish i'm getting insecure lah. I love it when she randomly said i love you to me. Time on the phone, dia akan suddenly panggil aku dengan suara dia yang lembut tu then cakap "i sayang you sangat" or "i love you". Ahh berbunga bunga terus hati aku. Last but not least, i love her effortlessly beauty and her kind heart. She didn't have to wear makeup or be someone else as she's already beautiful in her own way. What others said bout her isn't true. I'm more than glad that i didn't listen to them. She didn't deserve to be judged like that. She's a really great women. I love her in and out. I really do.
        Dear God, please keep her safe when i'm not beside her.
Chapter 4 ; Fell in love
| 01:15 | 0 comments
          6 March. The day she confessed to me that she love me and she mean it. After sabar menunggu, giving my whole heart to her & keep on putting more effort to win her heart, she fell in love with me. Dia dah sayang aku, sikit demi sikit. I knew, things will get better eventually. Berbaloi aku bersabar dengan dia. Berbaloi aku tak easily give up even after she break my heart. Berbaloi aku sacrifice untuk dia. I craved for her love. At the end, i get it. I owned her heart. Like the way she owned mine. But i won't stop trying to win her, walaupun dia dah sayang aku. I will try everything that i could to make her happy everyday, to make her love me more. Most importantly, i will try to make her have a good reason to stay with me.
Chapter 3 ; Celebration
| 01:03 | 2 comments
           3 March. The day 2014 SPM result went out. It was her day off because she need to take her result at school. We made a deal to went out for a lunch date. My treat, this time. So i came to her school at 11 something and i waited outside, patiently. Then she get inside my car & she showed her result to me, happily. I congratulated her for her achievement. Quite impressive lah. Memadai dengan usaha dia. She's smarter than me, fyi haha i'm fucking ashamed with myself.
          We went to Pizza Hut in Jusco Bukit Indah. At first macam nak makan pizza but we changed our mind while looking at the menu. She ordered a plate of spaghetti bolognese while i ordered seafood lasagna. I don't know why i decided to ordered lasagna when it wasn't even my fav kind of western food lmao i still regret it. Till today. She laughed watching me eating that ridiculous dish haih you're lucky i love you huh you silly girl *put smirk emoji* After lunch, we went for a kind-of shopping spree around the floor one. She told me once that she really wanted to buy a pair of black Vans canvas old skool so we searched for it at the Hype Store. Unfortunately tak ada size. Then pergi pulak dekat Heritage Hub. We literally pusing dalam kedai tu for 2-3 times, looking at all the shoes again and again and over again sambil argue pasal 'that shoe cantik tapi colour dia i tak minat' and 'no no no that colour dah mainstream lah you' lol my girlfriend sangat cerewet. Then i showed her a pair of grey sneakers with a red line on its side. She was like "mm cantik gak ni". So dia try lah pakai. Luckily, kena dengan taste dia. God knows how thankful i was that time bila akhirnya... dia jumpa kasut yang okay hahaha just kidding lah baby. I don't mind lah teman you shopping. I faham perempuan memang cerewet sikit bab bab membeli ni ;)
          Oh yaa aku baru perasan yang dia celebrate her day dengan aku. I mean, i was the first person lah hehe
Chapter 2 ; Pathetic lover
Monday 23 March 2015 | 11:30 | 0 comments
          26th February. 5 days of our new relationship. We spend the night at her house. A great night, for me. You know why? Because i get to spend my time with her. But the best thing bout that night was when she said she love me. She whispered it, to my ears. Like a fool, i trust every word she said to me. Turns out she was just lying bout it. The truth were revealed when we argued over some issue. Dia cakap dia terpaksa be in this relationship, dia terpaksa terima aku, terpaksa cuba untuk sayang aku so dia minta supaya jangan paksa atau halang dia buat apa-apa yang dia nak. Hati aku.... sumpah rasa macam kena pijak, over and over again. I ran into the bathroom, aku terduduk atas lantai, cried my lungs out. I called her but i can't speak. I tried to be strong. Guess what, i failed. I cried, again, but this time, on the phone. Aku macam weak gila time tu. Aku cakap dekat dia, aku sanggup tunggu sampai dia betul-betul sayangkan aku. No matter how long it gonna take. I will faithfully wait until that magical day. Aku minta dia supaya jangan cakap i love you until she really mean it. And i won't force her or halang dia. She can freely befriend with whoever she want. I won't stop her. Yeah i said that, walaupun sebenarnya hati aku sakit sangat-sangat. Nevermind, as long as she's happy, then i'll be happy too. Her happiness were what matter the most to me. I went to bed that night, with a bag of chest pain & tears running down my cheek. It's okay my sweetheart, i will wait for you.
         The next day, i came by to her office during lunch hour. I intended to have a heart to heart kind of talk with her but she acted like nothing happened. After 30 minutes of kinda awkward conversation, i went home. Disappointed.

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